doesnt belong posted: 12/5/2006

Which of the following doesn't belong?

(a) meat
(b) eggs
(c) wife
(d) blow job

(D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat,
your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob

hooker with a runny nose posted: 12/2/2006

Q: What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Jew with an Erection posted: 11/29/2006

Q: What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?

A: He breaks his nose.

Hell posted: 11/26/2006

Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment.

First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire.

The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde.

The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room.

The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says "okay, you can stop now. You've been relieved".

Chicken or the Egg posted: 11/23/2006

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out.

The egg mutters to no one in particular,
"I guess we answered that question."

Funeral posted: 8/11/2006

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. As the pallbearers are carrying out the casket, they accidentally bump into a wall. Hearing a faint moan from inside, the woman’s husband opens the casket and finds that his wife is actually alive!

She dies again, 10 years later, at which point her husband has to go through another funeral. This time when the pallbearers carry the casket toward the door, the husband yells out, "Watch out for that f*cking wall!"

Exciting Period posted: 8/6/2006

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period," said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know," said the little boy, "but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

Misogynist Jokes posted: 7/30/2006

Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Q. Why did God invent the yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.

Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.

Q. Why did God give men penises?
A. So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!

Q. Why is a woman like a dog turd?
A. The older it is, the easier it is to pick up.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?
A. A toilet doesn't follow you around once you've used it.

Q. Why are women like screen doors?
A. Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up.

Q. How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner??
A. Why the fuck should we fix it, we don't use the damn thing!

Q. What's the most active muscle in a woman?
A. The penis.

Q. How are women like parking spaces?
A. The best ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can't stand to see a man having a good time.

Q. What are the three reasons that make anal sex better than vaginal sex?
A. It's warmer, it's tighter, and it's more degrading to the woman.

Q. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q. Why do women have periods?
A. Because they deserve them.

Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A. Made her chain too long.

Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Q. What do you do when the dishwasher won't work?
A. Kick her.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q. Why did God create lesbians?
A. So feminists couldn't breed.

Q. Why do women fake their orgasms?
A. Because they think we care.

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.

Q. What's the worst part of getting a sex change from male to female?
A. When they take out the brain.

Q. Why don't women's guts fall out of their cunts?
A. Because of the vacuum in their heads.

Q. Why are hurricanes named after women?
A. When they come its warm and wet... when they go they take your house and car with them.

Q. Why did God put women's two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.

Q. What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant.